If a Nun Should Appear

Woke up couple days ago trying to remember the entire lyrics to the pre-juvenile delinquent junior high class clown classics “Glory Glory Hallelujah Teacher Hit With Me With a Ruler,” “Fight Our Teachers’ Battles With Spitballs Gum and Clay” and “Run Run Run I Think I Hear a Nun (If a Nun Should Appear Say Sister Have a Beer).” Pretty sure that last one took place “in the basement of Murphy’s Saloon.” Didn’t get far otherwise, and lines I saw online mostly didn’t ring a bell.

Though oh yeah, if it counts, there’s also “Comet, it makes your mouth turn green/ Comet, it tastes like gasoline/So buy some Comet, and vomit, today.” (Heck, you might as well just inject bleach!)

I expect there were regional variations of these, but if you have any ideas, please speak up. Feel free to approximate in what year and location you might’ve encountered the insolent ditties in question.

facebook, 21 September 2020

1 comment

  1. via facebook:

    Jake Alrich
    I had a book of spoofed kids lyrics. I remember their version of Battle Hymn verbatim: “Mine eyes have seen the glory of the downfall of the school/we have tortured every teacher we have broken every rule/ we tore into the office and we tickled the pri… See more

    Chuck Eddy
    Ours involved coconuts. Or shards of glass.

    Carl Wilson
    Jake I imagine your book softened things up, as I distinctly remember that first line always involving the burning of the school.

    David Cantwell
    ”Glory, Glory Hallelujah / Teacher hit me with a ruler / Met ‘er at the door / with a loaded .44 / and the teacher dudn’t teach no more” was our grade school version. (Hadn’t thought of it in years, but when a couple years ago the state of Kansas authorized the carrying of concealed weapons on college campuses… I THOUGHT OF IT.)

    David Williams
    Sorry, I can only help with the alternative version of the Branded theme that starts “Stranded. Stranded on the bowl without a roll…”

    John Boegehold
    In Royal Oak mid-60’s it was: “Glory glory hallelujah, teacher hit me with a ruler, I met her at the door with a Luger 44 now the teacher don’t teach no more.” That’d probably get a kid expelled and thrown in a gulag these days haha

    Nathan Carson
    “met her at the door, with a loaded .44, and she aint’ my teacher no more!” was how we sang it in rural Oregon in the early 80s.

    Amy Linden
    bopped on the bean with a rotten tangerine and her teeth ain’t marching anymore “… or something like that.
    I believe we need to bring back cootie shots “life long life long… never needs service!”

    Nigel Richardson
    Less violent version in the UK. “The ruler split in half/and the class began to laugh” etc. Minor humiliation rather than manslaughter.


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