Smells Like Teen Nothing #3

I’ve always been fascinated by baseball superstitions — don’t step on the foul line, don’t mention a no-hitter before it’s done, don’t (or do) have sex the day you’re playing, Mark Fidrych talking to the ball and squatting down on all fours to pile up pitching mound dirt just right, Moises Alou urinating on his… Continue reading Smells Like Teen Nothing #3

Things I Said on June 21

2006: Cuts of meat: Jimmy Buffet “Cheeseburger in Paradise”; Gang of Four “Cheeseburger”; Michael Hurley “What Made my Hamburger Disappear”; Focus “Hamburger Concerto”; Jim Jackson (also covered by Hurley) “I Heard the Voice of a Porkchop”; Rancid “Tenderloin”; Neil Young “T-Bone”; Led Zeppelin “Hot Dog”; all three Hasil Adkins songs about hot dogs and decapitation;… Continue reading Things I Said on June 21


Top 5 Reasons I Still Don’t Get Texas Barbecue Joints: (1) It is impossible not to feel under pressure and self-conscious standing up there trying to figure out which of 6+ always passably but never overwhelmingly attractive species of meat to order as a line of hungry people forms behind me. (2) Side orders (beans,… Continue reading Bar-B-QAnon

Daily Rut, Spring 2020

A facebook friend was complaining about what he said was his boring social-distance rut, every day the same, and asked what the rest our boring days were like. Here’s what I just sent him: First thing in the morning: Get out of bed, go outside to get New York Times off the driveway (a potential… Continue reading Daily Rut, Spring 2020

Smells Like Teen Nothing #1

My wife and daughter went to Houston for the weekend, which always presents a bit of a quandary. We’ve got a brown-and-white, super cuddly, adorably sad-eyed, eight-year-old-ish female Boston terrier named Gabby; we wound up with her just a few months before the pandemic started after dog-sitting for Boston-terrier-rescuing fire chief Terry down the block,… Continue reading Smells Like Teen Nothing #1

Rice Advice

Steacy Easton asked for “tips for cooking rice” on facebook, and here’s the recipe I sent them. I use white rice because more healthful rice tends not be neutral enough (i.e., it overshadows whatever food I’m eating with it) and it’s often too crunchy in texture than rice should be. WHITE RICE (times definitely vary… Continue reading Rice Advice

Choking The Chicken

My Exciting Saturday: Brought home 2 rotisserie chickens from H.E.B, and in the process of taking them apart, decided to break off a succulent little piece and pop it into my mouth. Except turns out it wasn’t so little. Lodged in my throat, and wouldn’t wash down with a glass of water like the hundred… Continue reading Choking The Chicken